The Fifth Time
by Mynock Spit
Summary: In the skies above the backwater world of Earth, a triggerhappy KotOR player, in the pause before more games come out, starts a new game, and for the fifth time, he plays in a desperate attempt to ferret out boredom from his life on a dreary afternoon....
1. The Endar Spire

Star Wars Music.

More Star Wars Music.

**Star Wars: The Fifth Time**

**In the skies above the backwater world of Earth, a trigger-happy KotOR player, in the pause before other games come out, starts a new game, and for the fifth time, he plays it in a desperate attempt to ferret out boredom from his life on a dreary afternoon...**

Blasts rock the Endar Spire, shaking the man in his bunk awake. Looking around feebly, his eyes settle on the viewport. Cursing he runs to it flings it open and yells out,

"OY! Cut down on the noise out there! I'm trying to sleep!"

Immediately the shaking and blasts stop.

"Jeesh", he grumbles under his breath, "I wish they'd have a little more thoughtfulness."

He paused thinking.

"Oh well. I guess I'm awake now."

Starting to walk over to his foot locker, he is interrupted by Trask rushing in.

"Quick, the Endar Spire—" Trask starts to say

"—is NOT under attack. Do you hear anything? Do you feels blasts?"

Trask shakes his head.

"So how could the Endar Spire be under attack?"

Trask shrugs, "I don't know. All I know is that we are."

Sighing, the man shakes his head, "I'll tell you why we are under attack. Bastila is on this ship and the Sith want to capture her."

Trask shakes himself, "Oh right."

Suddenly Trask remembered his mission. "So hurry up and grab your gear. We need to suit up so we can get out of here."

The man looks up from the foot locker in contempt, "Look Trask, I've been through here at least five times. I know how to look after myself. You obviously don't, since you're going to die," he looks at his watch, "in about twelve minutes."

Trask backed down, "But don't you need the access codes?"

"No. I memorized them."

He had. The door opened with out a hitch.

With out a word, he walks down the pausing only to switch the control from "show help menus" to "never show them again!"

The door open to the sight of a republic officer dying.

"These sith must be the —"

"Trask, shut up."

"OK, OK..."

The man walks up to the sith who are busily loading their weapons, "How's it going today guys?"

"Good."

"Okay."

He walks past.

Trask followed him gawking, "You just let them live? They're Sith!"

"Yeah and you're Republic. What's the difference. You all deserve to die, however I don't have enough time to kill you all. Plus, with you some frag Sith will do it for me."

Trask frowned, "I didn't ask you your name. What is it?"

"Frickin' Evil Person of Doom, Who Doesn't Care About Frickin' Soldiers, Because They All Are Annoying."

"Don't kid me, I know that the name can't be that many characters."

"Fine. My name is Mynock Spit. Myn for short."

"What! You've gotta be joking!"

"No. The player has a sick sense of humor."

The had came around the bend, and to the door to the Jedi and Sith.

Mynock looked at Trask, "Okay, I open the door, you through a grenade at the wall, killing the sith soldiers."

Trask looked at him, "Gotcha."

Mynock opened the door, and called out, "Hey you fricking retards! Over here! Do you have the guts to take me on!"

The jedi and the sith looked at each other, and shrugged. Then they charged.

Trask's grenade blew up behind them shoving them forward, flat at Mynock's feet. He looked at Trask, "Nice."

"Thanks."

Myn focused on the jedi and sith, "Look at that, a Jedi and Sith working together to kill someone. Hmm... what would have happened if you did this before?"

The two looked between Myn and each other, trapped in a lock in their beliefs. In computer terms, beliefs is programming.

Myn smiled, "How about this, you follow me around, we'll have fun, killing people, and then we go make an empire in the Unknown Regions?"

They looked at each other and the sith answered for them both, "Okay."

Myn smiled, "Lets go!"

They passing through the bridge was easy, they left it quickly. Just as quickly Trask died.

Myn didn't look back, as he stepped through the portal to the next map.

New Module

**Loading...Loading...Loa–**

Myn, the sith and the jedi, stepped through the portal and walked around to the sith guard.

"Darth Marnik! What are you doing with these two," he sneered the last word, _"Republics?"_

The sith frowned, "Republic? What are you talking about? They don't serve the republic."

"Then who are they? I've never seen them before."

Myn cut in, "I am Mynock Spit. An enterprising, entrepreneur with a mission to build an Empire as vast as a piece of cheese. Subsequently, we are in the process of manufacturing a gigantic piece of cheese."

Marnik wished he could see the soldiers face.

The soldier nodded slowly, "Okay—"

"I am not done!" Mynock cut in again, "Once we have made this piece of cheese, we will build a refrigerator in which we will place this piece of cheese, and on that refrigerator we will build a massive battle station, a shipyard, and an apple pie factory, which will be known as 'The Apple Pie of My Eye'. So what do you say, do you want to join us?"

"Uh, well...I...um...hmm...sure. Whatever."

"Okay. Let's get going!"

They reached another group of sith troopers, which, at Myn's orders, they held prisoner.

Looking at the sith trooper, Myn said, "Kill them, or not kill them?"

The trooper hesitates, then, "Kill them."

They are executed.

Myn turns to his followers, "Okay, behind this door, is a sith squad. What do you think we should do? I see three options, Send in a droid, electrocute them with defense systems, or convert them. I am also open to other suggestions."

The jedi spoke up, "We could go around them, have the player warp us to the other side of them."

The rest of them thought about that.

Myn said, "What do you think? Should we do that? There are allot of them, and a even lieutenant, I think."

Two negatives. They stood thinking for a moment, then the trooper spoke up, "I've got it! We send two people around to the other side, and on a signal we open both doors and surround them. Then we give them a chance to join us, and if they don't take it, we kill them."

That plan was to all of their likings, and they acted upon it. Myn and the Dark Jedi were warped over to the escape pods, and with a 'quiet' signal to Carth, the signal was sent and the doors opened.

"Stand down you're surrounded!" Mynock yell out, "I've a proposition for you. I am going to go create an empire. I would like you to come."

One of the enemies snarled, "Some proposition. If we don't come we die right?"

"Wrong, _if _you give us safe passage. So what do you say?"

Most of the troopers said they were with the lieutenant, except one who was with them right away.

Myn looked at the lieutenant, "So, the decision of a firefight is up to you."

"What position will I get if I join you, and if I do join you, can my squad stay together?"

"Your position is your choice, and yes, your squad can stay together."

"OK. On one condition. You duke it out with one of my soldiers and win."

"With what?"

"Blades."

"Who?"

"Ensign Talmin."

"Let's do it!"

The two men circled each other, once, twice, three time, four, five, six—

Myn stopped, "I hate circles."

The sith stabbed at Myn, but Myn dogged his blow, grabbing his hand and pulling it past him into his incoming sword.

A second of stunned silence fell over the viewers.

Finally the lieutenant spoke, "I didn't expect it to be so quick..."

Myn smiled teasingly, "What, you expected someone with a vision to not be able to fight? Changing subjects, is that good enough for you?"

"Yes. To both."

Grinning, Myn stepped into the escape, then thought better of it, and said, "Anyone willing to risk their life to save this ship?"

The lieutenant nodded.

"Good, the rest of you, get into that escape pod. And I'm appointing Carth to be the leader until we get back."

They nodded.

Turning to the lieutenant, "Lets go."

The Bridge

The bridge was empty except for one figure.

"Darth Bandon," Mynock stated.

"Mynock Spit," The figure replied.

"We aren't supposed to meet until later."

"You aren't supposed to be here."

"True...do you want to get this over with now, or later?"

"There's no time like the present," and with that Bandon lunged.

Myn flipped backward over a databank, and Bandon's saber rammed into metal sending up sparks into his eyes, blinding him. Permanently.

Myn looked at the lieutenant and said, "Call the sith and tell them to stop the bombardment, we have high level prisoner here. Don't name names, but do hint at an admiral."

Myn navigated the screaming Bandon towards the spacesuits and put him in. Then he launched him into space.

Returning to the bridge, Myn found the lieutenant relaxing in a chair, eating ice cream.

"What's happening?"

The lieutenant looked up between bites, "The sith are_ swallow _sending a shuttle and _swallow_ three fighters as an escort _swallow _for the prisoner."

"Good. Let's go ambush them."

Main Docking Bay

The plan was simple: shoot the sith that get off the plane, then walk around and look confused for the cameras. That's exactly what happened. The first sith to get out were the honor guard. Then more honor guards. Then the elite soldiers. Then the grunts. They just kept coming.

Myn turned to the lieutenant, "Okay, new plan. You get into that shuttle, and activate its shields. Kill anyone left in the shuttle with as little damage to the shuttle as possible. I'll take care of these."

The lieutenant nodded. Myn turned back around, "By the way, is their something I can call you instead of lieutenant? I think the writer's getting pretty tired of typing 'lieutenant'."

"Call me 'Karl Nocvit'."

Then he entered the turbolift. Mynock never saw him enter the crowd, but he saw the shields go up. Then he acted. The four thermal detonators where in the air before he was, which makes sense. After all he was never in the air. He activated the sentry turrets which he had fixed and they started firing. He ran to the terminal, where he activated all the security systems he could find. The whole thing was over as soon as it the firing died down. That was approximately two minutes after the firing started. Nobody was fired. Myn was about to call Karl, when he noticed that he could level up. He could, and did, twice.

"Karl? What's your status?"

"_The sith have this ingenious piece of equipment. They land this shuttle in the enemies bay, and the have people spawn on it. I've seen it used in _Battlefront_ and _Battlefront II._"_

"Can you disable it?"

_"Can a mynock kill almost fifty sith troopers in one blow?"_

"If you don't remember, my name is Mynock. So yes, it can."

_"There's your answer."_

Bridge Again

After the spawn shuttle was taken care of, they returned to the bridge and accessed the damage report. Heavy damage was everywhere, so they sent multiple droids, with the extra parts from the shuttle, to fix as much of the damage as possible. Which was a lot. Myn and Karl went about cleaning up fixing what they could on the inside, carbon burns, electrical consoles, locked doors. They found some republic soldiers locked behind several doors, along with an almost equal number of sith. Some of which the recruited to their cause, others they flushed out air locks, or had to clean up more carbon scoring.

The person they had standing over the scanner, called Mynock with urgent news.

"This is Myn"

"Captain, a sith capital vessel has popped out of hyperspace."

Mynock cursed, "I'll be right there."

He raced through the corridors telling people to get to the bridge. When they got their, the vessel was approaching.

"The Leviathan." Myn ran through a long line of curses.

Turning to Karl, he said, "You're in control."

Then he raced off the bridge, as the ship started to run for Taris. Again racing through the corridors, he reached the top turret. Switching to the tractor beam, he tractored the planet, pulling them in faster. The sith turrets where not expecting that so the shots fell short. Another salvo flew at them, and most of the shots missed except one, which smashed into Myn. He lost conscious. At least he thought he did. Anyways, he couldn't find it.


	2. The Long World

The sith trooper looked at his commander, they both had heard the noise. The commander nodded. They left the odd programmed position the game writers left them in, and wandered over to the place of the commotion. 

"What in the Undercity is that?"

"Well it looks like the Endar Spire."

"I know that, but—"

The commander was rudely interrupted by a laser turret blazing them all down. The commander didn't take to being killed, so he stood back up and shouted, "What was that for?"

A port hole popped open on the side and a man's head peaked out, "It was for killing you, you idiot! You're dead!"

The commander, finally looking at the smoking holes in his chest, replied, "Oh. I guess you're right," and fell over dead. As dead as a bit of coded animation can ever get. The man slammed the porthole shut, and with that last bang, silence resounded in the Undercity. Inside the Endar Spire, however, the noise overwhelmed the silence, chasing from room to room, until finally it tackled the sound, and tickled it until it laughed.

The bridge was over run with the few of the soldiers, who also happened to be technicians, fixing all those little parts that can be fixed through the computer systems. In the medical bay, a group of soldiers stood over Mynock trying to figure out what to do about his flattened leg and loss of blood. The were arguing when Lieutenant Karl came over to them, and asked, "What's going on here?"

There was a chorus of mumbles, and Karl stared in disbelief for a minute, then he broke into amazed laughter. The group of soldiers, stood uncomfortably, and waited.

Finally he spoke again, "Use a medpack," and walked away.

Frowning dubiously, they leaned over Myn and shot the nefariously liquid called 'med' into him. Med is found in various computer games, as an easy way to get out of having to make up something that actually sounds like a liquid you'd stick yourself with to feel better. Almost as soon as they used it, Myn's leg popped to normal size, and the blood disappeared.

The soldiers stood up in amazement, and Myn sat up and said, "You forgot. This is a computer game. Nothing bad happens when you're knocked unconscious."

Standing, Myn took command, "You, go get Lt. Karl. You tell me what's going on. The rest of you, go find something to do. There's probably something to do around here." Mumbling they split up. Myn turned to the designated spokes person, "What happened?"

"After you tractored the planet, Karl found a spot, and landed us in the Undercity."

"What's the damage to the surrounding city?"

"Very little actually. Karl managed to navigate it pretty darn well..."

Myn raises an eyebrow, "Yes?"

"Except on the Lower City. See we had come through the Upper City, right on top of some of the Vulkar swoop gang, in the process of demolishing a small group of Beks."

Myn grimaced, "Musta been nuts"

"Yeah. They immediately started firing upon us, so Karl—"

"Gave the order to fire," Karl took over from the relived looking soldier, "So the lasers opened fire on the gang, and in the process, we accidentally blew a hole in the floor. That's how we came to be down here."

Myn sighed, "I bet we're going to need to figure out a way to patch that hole...Karl I need three of the best shooters, and two of them have to be at least partially intelligent. Also, I want you to figure out a course that would be the easiest way to leave. Don't worry about stuff in the way, I think we might need to have a quick get away plan."

"Gotcha. I'll get those people together."

Undercity

Carth Onasi looked up with a mixture of awe, and the computer game straight face. How the hell did Myn get this thing down here! He looked over his shoulder at the people he'd brought along.

The sith opened his mouth, "How the hell did this thing get down here!"

They were startled by a voice from behind, "Oh, it was easy. All we had to do was shoot straight down, and we got through.

Myn stood behind them with a republic, and two sith. He looked at Carth, "How far did you get in my absence?"

"We got pretty far. We were just about to go to the Beks and give them the prototype intake'erator."

"Good. Did you go into the apartments in the Lower City?"

"No."

"Okay...hmm...you four," Myn pointed at four soldiers, "Go into the Lower City apartments, and kill all the Black Vulkars, and anyone else that attacks you. Once your done, head back to the Spire." Looking at Carth, he continued, "Carth, here's 2,000 credits. Go to the droid shop and buy T3. Tell the shop owner you're from Canderous. Try to bargain, you can get it for 1,500 credits. Once you've done that, break into the sith base. Try to recruit as many of them as possible." Myn looked at the rest of them, "The rest of you wander around, but stay together. You don't want to meet a rakghoul all by yourself. Any questions?"

One of the soldiers spoke up, "Where are you going, Sir?"

"To the swoop race. Anymore questions? No? OK, let's move out!"

Swoop Arena

Myn looked around in the dark, trying to find the tech.

The tech found him first, "Over here!" Myn walked over to him, "We have a problem."

Myn was not surprised, "It would surprise me is if something went right. I'd be more suspicious, if it did." He sighed

Looking at the tech, he did not notice the scene fade slightly, "What is it?"

"The battery burnt out, and we don't have a replacement."

Suddenly the sound is dulled and a voice over is heard:

**When swoops batteries die, swoop pilots trust to only one battery:** (Camera focuses on Myn's hand as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out two double A batteries) **Duracell.**

Suddenly the word "Cut" can be heard, and a man who looks like he's a producer walks in the frame of view, "Got it. One take. Good job all."

Myn and the Tech glare at him, and he freezes, "Oh. S-s-sorry." He slips out of the camera view.

Myn looks at the tech, "As I was saying, these ought to work."

The tech bends over the swoop for a second then, "Yep. You're good to go!"

"Alright," Myn walks over to the race announcer, and says, "Give me a go."

The announcer nods, and says, "Go ahead."

Swoop Race

Myn started the swoop engines with a vwhoom. He put his Root Beer can in the cup holder, and pressed on the gas. He flew fast and well, but not fast enough. Frustrated, he hit an obstacle, and some of his root beer landed in the prototype intake'erator. The swoop lurched forward. WHAT THE HELL? He looked from the intake'erator to the root beer and back. In a quick decision, he poured his root beer into the intake'erator, and the swoop shot forward. Speed came with a cost. The engine was overheating. EXPLETIVES! Suddenly light bulb appeared over his head, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out...Mentos? He threw the mentos into the intake'erator, and the engine cooled down. Then he was across the finish. In less then ten seconds. He was obviously the winner.

As he greeted the tech, he asked, "What is an intake'erator?"

The tech smiled, "Didn't you find out?"

"I guess so," He replied as Brejik made his way to the podium, "Oh, by the way," He pulled the light bulb he had taken off his head, "Hold this for me."

The tech raised an eyebrow but replied, "Sure."

All eyes turned to Brejik, "Before I give out the prize, I want to tell you that the winning swoop racer cheated." Myn raised an eyebrow, "He was using a prototype intake'erator, clearly an unfair advantage."

Myn raised his other eyebrow, "Brejik. I would like to ask you a question. What is a prototype intake'erator?"

"I...I don't know."

"Hmm...So explain why it's an 'unfair advantage'."

Brejik glared at him, "I'm withdrawing my share of the prize, and —"

But Myn was already up, and the Vulkars behind him were already dead. His guns were pointed at Brejik, and still smoking. No sound was heard. The silence roared. Suddenly it got tired of roaring, and started growling.

Myn's clear cold voice echoed in the room, "Are you really?" He cocked his gun for emphasis. Brejik frowned, "Wait a minute, laser guns don't need to be cocked!"

Myn looked surprised, "Hey, you're right!"

Then they were back in tension.

"Are you really?" Myn repeated.

Brejik looked at the one Vulkar that hadn't been killed, standing holding his side, ready to kill Myn on a moments notice, and said, "Yes."

Myn was a blur. His four shots where fired so fast they almost sounded like one. The result was amazing. The remaining Black Vulkars and Brejik were dead. Everyone in the room was surprised. Even Myn.

"Hmm...I guess I didn't lose it..." He mumbled thoughtfully.

Myn started, as Bastila's cage popped open. Then he slapped himself, "Right. I forgot. Come on."

Myn started walking for the door, picking up the dead equipment. "If you think you can claim your prize you're wrong." Bastila said.

Myn stopped, fumbling for something in his jacket, as she approached him from behind. Slashing at his left she pivoted, and moved to attack. She cut right through him. That stunned her, then she realized she didn't have her weapon anymore. Where was it? There it was lying on the floor behind her. She realized what happened. In a surprising move, Myn had flipped out Bastila's lightsaber, blocked the blow, and knocked away her weapon.

Turning around he stated, "Bastila, there's no time for this." Flipping her her weapon, he left. Something in the way he said it made an impression on her, as she followed him.

Sith Base

The sith base was erie. Dead sith everywhere. Myn wondered where Carth and his group could be. He ran through the base, finally finding a group of soldiers, standing in front of a elevator.

"Myn!"

"Mission! What happened?"

"Carth went ahead with a small group of soldiers and hasn't come back!"

"Damn!" and he rushed into the elevator. Mission and Bastila trying to follow him, but he shook his head, and the elevator lifted him up.

Governors Chambers

Carth looked up into the eyes of the sith governor, as the governor ranted and raved on and on and on. Man what's taking this guy so long? I guess I shouldn't complain, but I've been here for over an hour.

He decided to tune into what the sith was yelling, "**_...But now that the apple pie must be inside the marnok and the gangok cannot complain about what the fish must be saying..._**"

Carth heard a safety lock click, but the governor kept raving. He also saw the laser bolt crash into the sith's head, but the sith kept raving.

Finally Mynock just pushed him over, still raving.

"Want a piece of code that looks like a hand?" Myn asked over the sith.

Carth gladly took it.

"You hurt that bad Carth?"

Carth shook his head, "No, just pinned down."

"Pinned down? That was more like 'sworded' down." Carth raised an eyebrow, "Let's get these launch codes and get the hell out of here."

Lower City Bar

"Yes Canderous, I do already have the droid, and the codes. All I need is to grab the Ebon Hawk, and get out of here."

Canderous looked at him suspiciously, "You ready now, or do you want time?"

"I am ready now."

Myn turned to Bastila and Mission, "Take the troops to the Endar Spire. Give the man in charge there, Lieutenant Karl, this and tell him on my signal, that's this, tell him to use the escape route. He'll know what I'm talking about. Also give him this. This is the Taris Launch Codes."

They nodded.

"Alright, Canderous. Let's go meet this moister-farmer."

Davik's Base

Guards. Lots of them. Even more. More then more. Okay, fine only ten. But still, that's a lot of guards.

"Okay, this is what happens, I go and distract them, you go around get the codes. By that time I hope to have them asleep."

Both Canderous and Carth didn't like the idea, but they went along with it.

Myn stepped around the corner and said, "How many fish are in your pocket? How many in your ear? How many in your toes. How many in you nose. Why do you cry when you fly into the sky? Why should I die if I lie? Where do I go? I don't know. When do I die?" And on and on and on, until he had them laughing up a storm. That was how he got soaked, because it was monsoon season. He happened to get lucky and several lightning bolts kill some of the guards. Then their expressions got cold, and it started to snow. Several of them froze, and the rest got covered in berms.

Myn exiting the room said, "Damn, I hate Personality Environment Rooms."

He found Carth and Canderous waiting for him, "Lets go."

They stepped into the hanger and the shaking started again.

Myn sighed, "Damn Sith, still don't have thoughtfulness."

Davik's voice echoed across the hanger, "Well, well, well—"

"Davik, I'm sorry. I can't explain wells at the moment, that subject is too deep."

Davik looked at Calo Nord, "Kill them."

Myn shrugged "Calo, I've never seen you take on the Dark Lord of the Sith before. Want to try?"

Calo just pulled out a grenade, and started to throw it, but Mynock was too fast. His blaster blew the thermal detonator right as it left Calo's hand.

"That was too easy." Suddenly a tank droid crashed through the wall, causing Canderous to reply, "Don't ever say that!"

Myn cursed, "God dammit!" Suddenly a lightning bolt crashed down on the Tank Droid and it fell to pieces.

Stunned silence. Even the sith stopped shooting.

Myn broke it, "Man, I've never seen God actually do something I say."

The sith started firing again. Canderous, looked around, "Well, it's time to go."

Myn looked at him, "You're right," and he pressed the button on his sleeve.

As the Ebon Hawk lifted off, those aboard saw the Endar Spire fly through the burning wreckage to meet them.

Only one comm message passed from the Hawk to the Spire, saying "Meet us at the Yavin Station"


	3. The Star Maps

The Yavin station was crowded. Soldiers, former Republic and Sith alike, milled about, doing their jobs. The Yavin station, recently traded from the Rodian for the stripped down Endar Spire, and three hundred thousand credits, was being changed from a trader outpost, to a battle station. Turrets were attached, new wings were added, and armor was getting thicker. Lt. Karl over saw the proceedings with Mynock Spit given authority. Under his watchful eye, It was turning into a deadly base.

While Lt. Karl oversaw the refitting of the station, the crew of the Ebon Hawk left for Dantooine, as Bastila had vouched for in the beginning.

The Ebon Hawk landed on Dantooine, and messages were passed, Jedi Councils were seen, and visions gave people a rough night. If a night for an animation can be rough. The Jedi Council, as always, was a pain in the backside of a fish who's eye can producted. That's why he left most of their parts out. Except for this part, which you don't need to listen to.

"All right Council, this is my last offer: I'll train to become a Jedi _if_ and only _if_, I don't have to go and find Juhani."

The council exchanged glances. They'd have to ask how he knew about Juhani later.

Vrandar posed the question, "Why demand this, do you?"

"Every time I go outside, it gets choppy," Myn sighed.

Vrook frowned, "Choppy?"

Myn sighed again, "Well, I'm standing in one spot, and I try to walk to middle of the room. I start to move, then the computer freezes," he paused, "And all of a sudden, I'm all the way across the room."

Vrandar nods sympathetically, "Happened to me, that did. Why I was always inside, that was."

Vrook was shocked, "I would have thought one such as yourself, would have a better computer."

"Laptop, I had. Laptop memory cards, it does not like."

Dorak painted a frown on his face, "But you're going outside now. What happened?"

Vrandar smiled, "Got a Mac Mini, I did. Suits me, it does, in size." He pulled it out of his pocket.

Vrook started arguing about how his computer was better, while Dorak, deciding that painting a frown on his face was not such a great idea, tried to get it off. While he was dancing around the room trying to find a way to get it off, a fight was started over the computers. Lightsabers were drawn, and neither Vrandar nor Vrook did a very good job. It was obvious, neither of them were artists. It was also obvious, the writer is not good at jokes.

Zhar sighed

Looking at Myn, he said, "I guess that means yes. Come, I will begin your training."

A large portion of retraining ensued, and the so called Mynock Spit quickly rebecame a jedi. While this was ensuing, a video about how the training was progressing, was shown, with Vrandar alternately chasing Vrook, and Vrook chasing Vrandar, in and out of the screen. Hopping behind them was always Dorak, still trying to get the paint off his face.

Force Cave

After weeks in computer time, and seconds in game time, Mynock once again stood before the council. He had to chase after them, as they were still fighting over the computers. Finally, getting tired, Myn walked to the Ebon Hawk and took off, flying low over Dantooine. Firing the turrets at all the armor-covered freaks, their stupid citizen-looking allies, and those damn lion-like things, he set down right in front of the force cave, and promptly blew the entrance. Firing missiles down the cave, he killed the demented spider things, and went to collect the crystals.

Stepping into the cave, Myn was surprised to see a pool of blue light in the center of the cave. Standing in the light was a man. A black cloak covered his features, all but his face.

The dark, forbidding figure looked up at Myn, and in a very unforbidding tone, said, "What? Oh, uh, I'm not supposed to be here am I?"

He turned to leave, but was stopped by Myn, "Wait a second."

The figure shrugged, "Okay."

Myn finally broke it, saying, "Who are you?"

"Me? I'm, uh, Phish."

"Phish?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"What's your real name?"

"Uh..." Phish frowned trying to remember.

"Nathaniel," said a voice that sounded like it would come from a Gizika, if one could talk.

The self-proclaimed Phish looked down, "What?"

"Nathaniel! That's your name!" Surprisingly a gizika stepped out of the voluminous cloak.

"Oh, right! My name is Nathaniel...but I like Phish better."

Myn raised an eyebrow, "Why are you here?"

"I have no idea. I think the writer messed up, and put me here by mistake."

"That's impossible!"

"I know. Me being here is also."

"True...Before you leave, I want to ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

"Why are you wearing a black cloak that makes you look like a sith?"

Phish glanced down, "I don't know."

"Are you a sith?"

"No..."

"What are you?"

"I'm a crazy idiot, with way to much time on my hands."

"...I see."

"So much time on his hands that I make up crazy languages. For instance I made up smuggler's talk."

"Nice! Well, If we meet again, I sure that'll come in handy." With that Myn swept out of the room, leaving Phish dumbstruck. Or at least that was what he tried to do. Phish had already turned around and walked off impossibly into the blue light, Chatting animatedly with the gizika.

Myn walked back to the _Ebon Hawk_, and told Carth to head for the ancient sith ruins. They quickly entered, killed the droids, talked to the computers, and got the first star map. Flying over the Jedi Enclave, Myn noticed the Vrandar and Vrook still chasing each other.

Kashyyk

The landing pad on Kashyyk had not seen a lot of use. It was empty and nobody was left. Nobody. Not even the Czerka freaks. Myn stepped out of the _Hawk_ with Zaalbar, Mission, and Carth.

Heading toward the Wookie village, they came across nothing. Nothing attacked them. The turrets were dead. The gate was unlocked, and they quickly stepped through.

As suddenly as they stepped through, they heard a distant roaring. They ran through the village, slipping through blood stains, toward the roaring. Turning around the bend the saw a gigantic beast, clawing at a huge wooden gate.

Myn turned to them, "Okay. Here's the plan."

Tarantek

The Tarantek was having fun. After climbing the worsyr trees to the landing pad, and killing the Czerka employees, the Tarantek raced down to the wookie village, killing anything its way. The only surviving wookies were holed up in the main building, and even its claws had no purchase on the hard wood.

Suddenly its back was on fire, and the massive tarantek turned around, and saw more creatures. It charged toward them, but a massive explosion blew up across its flank. It roared out in pain, and charged again. Then another explosion blew up on it back. It was no longer having fun. It didn't like creatures that worked together. It charged toward the source of the unending fire and and third explosion hit him. This time it was under him. That blew it lights out, it crashed over the railing, and fell into the forest.

Myn looked over the edge. It could not be seen. He turned around.

"Congratulations. We did it. Nice shooting with that missile launcher, Zaalbar. Good mine placement, Mission. Carth, thanks for covering me."

They all nodded in thanks.

"Come, let's get this door open."

Suddenly the door opened. Out spilled wookies. Suddenly they spotted Myn and his party. Dead silence. Then a wookie spoke up, What happened?

Myn looked him dead in the face, We killed it.

They looked on with awe. Then a Wookie pushed his way forward. He looked at the guards They're lying! Kill them!

Nobody moved. Myn looked at his party, "Were not wanted, let's go."

The guards started halfheartedly to stop them, as they ran out.

Shadowlands

In the interest of saving time, we decided just to go through the events in the shadowlands as a summary, not a full dialogue. Myn and his party met Jolee, and he asked them to get the Czerka peeps off his lawn. Myn said, "Hell no! Those wookies are after us," and Jolee was like, "OK." So the party left and went and got Becca's blade out of the dead tarantek, and went to the big droid thing. They killed the little droid things, and Myn got the star map. Going back to the lift, they found Chuundar, and killed Bandon. Then they went up the lift.

At the top of the lift they showed the Wookies the blade, and half of them bowed down and the other half pulled out the weapons. A huge fight resounded, and wookies died. Then the wookies were free, and they let Myn go back to the _Ebon Hawk_. The _Ebon Hawk_ left for Tatooine.

Tatooine

The _Ebon Hawk _landed on the Czerka Corporation landing pad, and was immediately asked to pay one hundred credits to land. Myn laughed at the man asking him, and cut him in half. Myn and his party then blazed down most of the guards, and gave the remaining an option: Go with Myn, or leave. It was almost a direct split, and soon the rest of Czerka employees had left.

Myn stepped out of the hanger, ready for a fight.

"Surprise!" came a huge shout, and Myn blinked, finding only a hell of a load of Czerka employees with party hats and silly string. Apparently they had heard about Myn's party, and decided to through him another one.

The following hour was filled with laughter, fun, and surprises. The whole of Anchorhead was partying, and the party lasted all night. If one could have seen it from space, it would have looked like a gigantic battle was taking place. Near the end of the party, a great shout rose, "Speech. Speech. Speech."

Myn was guided to the podium, and waiting silence fell over the crowd.

"Friends, I would like to thank you all for such a great party! I would also like to take this time to promote my new empire."

The people in the crowd exchanged confused looks.

"I am creating a new empire. A democratic empire, where all will be represented. A new _fair_ empire. A safe empire, and I am giving all of you a chance to join my Empire!"

Dead silence. Then a lone voice, "If you can turn this planet back to the way it was thousands of years ago, then the whole planet will pledge their alliance to you." The rest of the group nodded in agreement.

The day after the party, Myn left Anchorhead to find the star map. After wandering in the desert for what seemed like years, the party came across a weird, and very complected system of metal, with weird things like clocks, and springs twisted into a wall. The wall came out of a huge dune, bigger than any they'd ever seen. Right in the center was a button, the only button. Myn pressed it and suddenly a rumbling noise sounded. It was like someone pressed the rewind button on a planets history, incidentally Myn. First laser blasts rose out of the ground, the sand became ground, then trees toppled upright, lakes appeared out of nowhere, animals rose from the ground, cliffs jutted out of the trees...

Myn heard to thumps behind him, several of his party members falling to the ground behind him from shock. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. Then Carth stated, "Holy. Sith." and fell over to.

Myn wanted to agree with him, but suddenly a roar came from out of nowhere, and his reflexes kicked in. A huge arm crashed into the ground where he had been only moments before. Shocked out of his shock, Myn pulled out his dual blasters, and tilted his head as if to say, bring it on. The Kyrat dragon did. Myn rolled to the side, as the dragon pounced, laser blasting into the dragons belly. Roaring out in pain, the dragon swiped, and Myn, on the edge of its range, suddenly had three half-inch slashes in his stomach. Biting his lower lip, Myn fired at huge gaping mouth, knowing that letting the thing hit him again was not a good idea.

A sound caught his attention and Mynock glanced down. A gizika? Why did it look very familiar? Looking back up at the dragon, Myn saw a familiar figure drop down on its head. He also saw the thermal detonators thrown into its mouth. He felt more then saw the shock wave, slam into him, as he lost his sight to blackness...

Kyrat Dragon Lair

Waking up was not fun. It was very painful. But life demanded the Myn go on, so he bared the pain from his mind. Looking around, he took stock of his surroundings. Bones, corpses, stalactites, stalagmites, rock walls, and...star maps? Myn saw a fire in the middle of the cave, and started to walk over to it. He could see Carth, and Bastila talking to a cloaked figure, but he didn't see Mission

"You know Bastila, you might be right about that one."

Myn froze. He knew that voice, but he couldn't place it. Who? He looked over to his right, and saw Mission coming from the entrance, talking quickly to a...a gizika? Then he remembered.

He walked up to the fire, "Hey Phish, how's it going?"

The figure stood up, "Myn! I didn't know you where with these folks!" he lowered his voice and switched to smuggler's talk, "Did you tell them about me?"

"No."

"Good. Keep it that way." He reverted to basic, "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for that." Myn pointed at the star map.

There was a moment of stunned shock. Myn frowned, "What?"

Carth looked at him, "That wasn't there two minutes ago."

Bastila backed him up, "No, you're right, it wasn't."

Myn raised his eyebrows, "What! That's impossible! And how did we get here?"

"After I killed the Kyrat dragon, your friends seem to be waking up from shock?" Bastila nodded, "So I helped them in here. As for you, I don't know. That's what we were talking about." Phish replied.

"What about the gizika? What happened to him?"

"He was thrown into this cave by the magnitude of the blast, although I think something blocked most of the blast. He didn't go as far as I would expect him to."

Myn nodded, "That makes sense..."

Phish raised his eyebrow, "Well, don't keep us in the dark."

"I blocked most of the blast. I was thrown into the wall over there," Myn pointed to a shadowed area, "and the gizika didn't go as far. What's his name, by the way?"

"Jury."

"Jury?"

"Yeah. His name was actually close to that, something like Jory, but he ran away, so I started calling him 'The Runaway Jury' and it stuck."

There followed a long bit of talking that would take up a lot of space, and be really boring, so the producted eye left it out. We join up with them after saying good bye to Phish and Jury, and follow them back to Anchorhead. They were greeted with much celebration, as Myn had after all turned Tatooine into a forested planet like Kashyyk. The whole planet had pledged allegiance to him, and Myn gained his first planet in his empire.


	4. The Beginning

Manaan

After landing on Manaan, and paying the landing fee, Mynock Spit and his friends were heading toward the Republic Enclave. The Leader of the Enclave greeted them with a warm hand shake, causing Myn to wonder from what.

After explaining the situation, Myn and his friends found themselves in a wall.

"Damn, I can't move!"

"None of us can!"

"Someone please explain to me how we got stuck in a wall."

"A glitch. A glitch in the Matrix."

"That's a different universe."

"Sorry..."

"Hmm, what to do we do now?"

"Uh, knock down the wall?"

"No good, that won't work. It's too thick."

"Aside from the fact that _it can't be knocked down!"_

"Why don't we try reloading?"

"Okay..."

**Load Curly Qu **

"Who names a save Curly Qu?"

"I don't know..."

**Loading...Loading...Loading...Loading...Loadin—**

After landing on Manaan, and paying the landing fee, Mynock Spit and his friends were heading toward the Republic Enclave. The Leader of the Enclave greeted them with a warm hand shake, causing Myn to wonder from what.

After explaining the situation, Myn and his friends found themselves near an underground submarine.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"WHAT HAPPENED!"

"I HAVE NO FRAGING IDEA!"

"WHOAH! Calm down."

Several minutes later.

"So what happened?"

"Well the glitch—"

"—in the Matrix—"

"—caused the computer to think that although we were in the wall, we had actually gone to the sith base. So when we went through it the second time, it jumped us to where we should have been, if we hadn't been in the wall."

"Whoa. That's the easiest sith base I've ever defeated."

"Yeah..."

After the party had finished collecting their thoughts, they started walking through the underwater base. Finding that many of the Selkath had gone insane, and the droid security system had gone out of whack, the party filed a complaint to the Knights of the Old Republic script writers, saying, "**We have noticed that the odds are so highly stacked up against the player, that in normal circumstances, no real characters could survive.**" They went on to say, "**However we also noticed that this is not a normal circumstance, and the only point of the complaint is to complain.**" They finished with, "**We do hope that we have achieved this goal, and if we have not, please tell us and we will do so.**"

Having complained enough, they felt fully energized. They then bashed into a room full of Selkath on all sides of them. A stupid move.

_**Ping**_

Suddenly the screen froze. A window popped up.

A message read:

**Hello, Lucas Forums member! **

**You have been asked to receive messages about the status of products.**

**We have just released Battlefront III. You may find it at—**

"WHOAH! Good timing, too." A mysterious voice exclaimed.

**The End**

Note: Battlefront III has not come out.

Credits: I don't have any.

Sorry I ended it so soon. It got boring, just like the game. Hopefully I'll have some patience with the next story.

I still will take reviews, even though I'm done.

Expect either my stupid sense of humor in other stories, on none at all.

I hope the ending was abrupt enough...


End file.
